The Balance of Right and Wrong
Dad’s frustration often exploded. You never knew when — you only knew it would. And when it did, it was physical, well beyond a spanking or normal punishment. I never feared for my own life, though I suffered injuries. There were a couple of times I feared for my older brother’s life. One time I intervened. That was a huge mistake.
Some would call my father a monster. If I told only that part, it would be easy to agree. But it simply was not that simple. Dad worked two jobs his entire life. He was a framing carpenter during the day, getting up at 5:30 to drive to each house under construction. He came home around 3:00 p.m., washed off, changed clothes, and left again for Delco Remy, a division of General Motors, where he worked until late, often returning home around 1:00 or 1:30 a.m.
Either Gene or I had to wait up for him. We never knew what version of Dad would walk through the door. But he never abandoned his family, not once. He wasn’t an alcoholic. He did smoke two packs of Camels a day — I wish I could have persuaded him to stop. But he cared deeply for us. There were seven people in the household, and he worked relentlessly. He didn’t always make great financial decisions, but he was always trying to provide. Most nights, he averaged three hours of sleep until the night he passed away in his early fifties.
Dad taught us lessons of hard work, endurance, and perseverance. He also taught lessons he never intended — lessons I carried deep in my heart and knew I never wanted to repeat. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. I inherited his intensity, tenacity, and drive. Even now, frustration rises in me when others fail to grasp what seems simple or necessary. But by God’s grace, I recognized the damage caused by living under a pressure cooker — never knowing when it would erupt, never knowing the cost attached to it. I chose to crucify that part of my nature.
I thank my father for the investment he made in his family — the labor, sacrifice, and diligence. We must examine the lessons we pass to our children. Some are intentional, some are not. No one is perfect. Every parent leaves behind both strengths and weaknesses. You judge the tree by its fruit. Some apples will fall to the ground, but the question is whether the tree, overall, flourishes and bears good fruit.
Nuggets of Wisdom
- Hard work and dedication are lessons that last a lifetime.
- Recognize what parts of your inheritance you must refine or crucify.
- Judge people (and yourself) by the overall fruit, not isolated moments.
Proverbs
Proverbs (Book of Proverbs)
Proverbs 12:14
“From the fruit of their lips people are filled with good things, and the work of their hands brings them reward.”
Proverbs 22:6
“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”
Proverbs 27:18
“Whoever tends a fig tree will eat its fruit, and whoever looks after their master will be honored.”
Nuggets of Wisdom
- Hard work and dedication are lessons that last a lifetime.
- Recognize what parts of your inheritance you must refine or crucify.
- Judge people (and yourself) by the overall fruit, not isolated moments.
Proverbs
- “From the fruit of their lips people are filled with good things, and the work of their hands brings them reward.”
- “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”
- “Whoever tends a fig tree will eat its fruit, and whoever looks after their master will be honored.”
There is a companion workbook for this story. Open the workbook (PDF).