Helpmate or Counterweight

The Book of Ron · 41 of 48 · 3 minute read

I have used this story many times in my life as an analogy when talking to people about relationships. In life, you are either a helpmate or a counterweight.

Picture a mule out in a field on a hot day, pulling a plow through hard ground. The mule doesn’t mind the job. It’s what he has done all his life. He knows how to pull that plow.

As he works, he looks out of the corner of his eye and sees a little pony trotting across the field toward him. The pony comes up beside him and says, “Hey, can I hook onto this harness with you and help you pull that plow?”

The mule looks at the pony. He realizes she isn’t very big and she certainly isn’t very strong. But she sure is cute. Truth is, the mule has always pulled the plow by himself. Strength isn’t really the issue. What he sees is the possibility of company. Someone to share the chore with. Someone to talk to. Someone to make the long rows across the field feel shorter.

So the mule says, “Certainly. Come on over here.”

For a few minutes they pull the plow together.

Then the pony suddenly sits down and says, “You know, I don’t think I want to do this anymore.”

The mule turns his head and speaks gently.

“Just up ahead, not far from here, there’s a pond. There are shade trees, water, and oats. We’ll get to sit there and rest and enjoy each other’s company. I’ll even get to just look at you for a while and talk. We only have about one more hour pulling this plow and we’ll be there.”

The pony replies, “I don’t want to do it. I’m not going to, and you can’t make me.”

The mule knows something important.

The field still has to be plowed.

So the mule leans forward and begins pulling again. But now the job has changed. Before, he was only pulling the plow through the hard ground. Now he is pulling the plow and the pony sitting there digging her heels into the dirt.

Instead of being a helpmate, the pony has become a counterweight.

In life, we face the same choice. Whether it’s washing dishes, paying bills, raising children, praying, or carrying the burdens that life brings, the situation is the same as the mule in the field.

It doesn’t matter the size or the strength of the pony or the mule. What matters is the commitment they make to each other.

If two people promise each other a covenant for life, then they owe each other the obligation to put their shoulders into the harness and pull together.

We can decide in life whether we will be a helpmate or a counterweight.

But once we hook ourselves into the yoke together, it becomes very hard to unhook it.

Do not make the other person drag the load and the counterweight.

When we become equally yoked, it no longer matters the size of the pony or the strength of the mule.

What matters is that I becomes less important than we.

Scripture reminds us:

Galatians 2:20 (NIV)

“I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”

Of course, this scripture speaks about our walk with the Lord. But there is a lesson that echoes into our relationships.

When we become we, then I is no longer the center.

When two people truly become we, they stop living only for themselves.

The harness changes.

The purpose changes.

And the load is meant to be pulled together.

This story has a workbook — how to use it with the person across from you, and the point of it. Read the workbook for Helpmate or Counterweight · All the workbooks.