Anything Without a Lesson
Read the story first: Anything Without a Lesson.
Nugget of Wisdom
Sometimes the lesson is not in what you teach, but in how you love.
SOP (Addition)
As you read this story about my granddaughters and me, understand that a big part of my personality is to teach. That’s how I show care. But not everyone is wired the same way. Some people teach, some fix, some listen, some love, some protect, and some encourage. There is no right or wrong.
As you talk with your partner, think about how you naturally show up when you’re spending time with someone. Which of these do you rely on most—teaching, fixing, listening, loving, protecting, or encouraging? It may depend on the situation, but when you are with your mate, what is your natural tendency?
Now consider the other side of it. As you think about your story, also think about how you receive. How do you like someone to talk to you when they’re spending quality time with you? When you think about someone you’ve truly enjoyed being with, what was the characteristic of their investment? Did they listen, encourage, guide, or simply sit with you?
Understanding both how you give and how you receive is key to understanding each other.
After you tell your stories, the interaction with the class tonight will focus on these aspects: teaching versus listening, fixing versus understanding, protecting versus trusting, controlling versus encouraging, and leading versus walking beside. Discuss among yourselves the differences in these, share your stories, and identify the personalities behind them. Have a good group discussion.
- Which of these do you find yourself doing most often—teaching, fixing, listening, loving, protecting, or encouraging? Give an example of how you have expressed that.
- How do you prefer to receive from others when spending quality time together? Give an example of how someone has invested in you.
- Think about someone in your life who made a strong impact on you, like Aunt Gladys. How did they invest in you, and what do you believe their dominant trait was—teaching, fixing, listening, loving, protecting, or encouraging?
- When listening to your partner, what differences did you notice in how each of you gives and receives?
- Where might you need to adjust—not to change who you are, but to better meet the needs of the person in front of you?
SOP: Mission for the Week
This week, take turns returning to childhood. One of you will be eight years old, and the other will guide—baking cookies, applying makeup, building something simple, or doing a basic task. Set the environment together. It may be a safe, familiar place or somewhere new and slightly uncomfortable—decide that as part of the exercise. The goal is to make it feel real.
The person guiding must teach clearly while creating a sense of safety, patience, and care. Be intentional with your tone, pace, and presence. Make it nearly impossible for the other person not to feel supported—unless your natural personality makes that difficult. Stay aware of that.
The “eight-year-old” should not try to make it difficult, but should genuinely respond as a child—curious, unsure, learning, and reacting to how they are being treated.
Then switch roles. Talk afterward about what you felt, what worked, and what didn’t. The goal is to understand how you teach, how you love, and how those two come together.
In conclusion, discuss together: is this how you communicate with each other now?