The Third Stall
Read the story first: The Third Stall.
Nugget of Wisdom
A horse will pull the cart for oats. He will pull it to his last breath for the hand on his halter.
SOP
You have come to the last story, and I want you to treat it the way we started. Sit facing each other. Hold hands. No distractions. Then each of you answer one question, and take your time with it: which stall did you come home to last night? Not which one you gave. Which one you came home to. Be honest, and do not defend it. Then, as a group, talk about what the third stall would look like in a real house, with real jobs and real tired people in it.
Questions
- Which stall did you grow up in? Which one have you given the person across from you, most nights, for most of your marriage?
- The second stall is not a bad stall. Fresh straw, clean oats, security, fidelity, a well-cooked meal. I had it for twenty years. What keeps a good home from becoming a cherished one?
- The hand on the halter, the apple on the way, the hooves cleaned, the blanket, the words. Which one of those does your partner need most? Ask them. Do not guess.
- What line in the sand is standing between your house and the third stall? Who drew it?
- Christopher Reeve could not move from the neck down, and anybody who saw them could tell his wife adored him. What is the excuse you have been using?
Mission for the Week
This is the last mission of the workbook, and it is the whole book in one week. Every night for seven nights, one of you meets the other one at the door. Not with a list. Take them by the halter, so to speak. Tell them you saw how hard they pulled today. Feed them something on the way in, an apple, a cup of coffee, whatever is in the kitchen. Then do one thing for them with your hands. Rub their feet. Run the bath. Take the boots off. Then say it plain: “I am proud of how hard you worked. I adore you.”
Swap every other night. If it feels awkward, do it anyway. The horse did not care whether the woman felt awkward. He cared that she came.
After the seventh night, sit down together and ask each other what to keep. Then keep it. Hook yourself to the harness and pull the load for each other.
The apple is not the point. Cherished is the point.
Closing Thought
You have read my stories. Some of them were hard to write, and I imagine some were hard to read. I have been in the first stall, and I lived in the second one for a long time, and I am asking the Lord for the third, for me, for Cheryl, and for every one of you. That is the whole reason for the book. If you are not sure how to pray at the end of all this, you can use a simple line like this: “Lord, give us the wisdom, the ability, and the desire to care for each other the way You care for us. Show us the third stall, and let us lead each other there.” Thank you for walking through this with me. Now go pull the load.
Drafted for review — not yet approved by Ron.