The Operator's Manual
Read the story first: The Operator's Manual.
What began as something simple—just a collection of stories for my granddaughters—became something far greater than I ever intended. At first, it was meant to leave behind a piece of who I was, so that at my passing, a pastor could understand my life and speak truthfully about it. I’ve always desired a military funeral, not for recognition, but so those attending could reflect on the sacrifice of men and women who followed orders, stood for something greater than themselves, and gave their lives for others. As I continued writing, I began to see this was no longer just a personal record. The Operator’s Manual took shape, and with it came a realization—this work carries weight, not because of me, but because I believe the Lord guided it. I’m just an ordinary man—no formal education, worked with my hands my whole life, not skilled with words or computers—but I felt compelled to keep going. What started as something small became something meant to help others understand, connect, and maybe even change the course of their relationships.
Congratulations, you’ve designed your Operator’s Manual.
You now have the Operator’s Manual. The book you read before working through the workbook was designed to make you think. The stories were meant to stir your mind and your heart. The actual implementation comes from the workbook—and the effort you choose to put into it.
Through this process, you’ve told your stories. You’ve held hands. You’ve closed your eyes. You’ve listened—not just to words, but to emotions and feelings. You now have a greater understanding of how your mate feels and how to respond to them. Along the way, you’ve begun to design steps—intentional steps—to think about each other, to stay disciplined, and to guard against complacency.
From this point forward, you have the ability to influence more than just your own relationship. You can help shape the lives of your children, your grandchildren, even your parents, family members, and close friends. This is not meant to sit on a shelf. It is meant to be used. If it’s your children, sit down with them and walk through it. Follow the format. If it’s a friend, give them the book and encourage them to call you. One day, they will. They’ll ask, “What was your story?” And you’ll have an answer—because you’ve written your story in your notes. You can share it. You can connect. You can begin to understand each other on a deeper level.
There may be tears in those conversations. Something may surface—something real. That’s not weakness. That’s opportunity. This is your chance to invest—in your friends, in your family, in society, and in yourself.
But above all, this is for your marriage. If you continue to use this manual and continue to talk with each other, you will continue to grow. It is my absolute hope that your love deepens and strengthens. I truly believe with all my heart that if I had this—this understanding I now have—I could have built the stairs to take Cheryl and me into the basement. And there, we could have healed. There, we could have experienced the depth of love we both desperately wanted when we said, “I do.”
I know we all desire that kind of relationship—deep, meaningful, emotionally fulfilling. My hope is that this tool can help bring that to you. But it will not happen on its own. It is up to you. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink. You must be willing to invest in each other.
Don’t let the enemy defeat you. Don’t let the small, subtle things that pull you apart continue to divide you. You can pull those weeds out right now by applying the lessons you’ve learned.
Don’t waste this.
There’s a moment in Saving Private Ryan at the end of the movie, when Tom Hanks’ character, Captain Miller, is dying. He pulls Private Ryan close to him and says, “Earn this.” What he was saying is simple—don’t waste what’s been given to you.
You now have, in your possession, the ability to love each other more deeply and to affect the lives of those around you. What you do with it is up to you.
Celebrate with each other. Take time to share your Operator’s Manual. Encourage one another. Exchange phone numbers and stay connected.
Thank you for your diligence in seeing this assignment through to the finish.
May God bless you and guide you—and strengthen your relationship moving forward.