The Duck and the Sponge
Sometimes along the way, when I started writing this book, I told my granddaughters I would tell them a parable. One of my favorite ones is, you can pour water on a duck’s back, you’ll get the duck wet. You pour water on the sponge, and the sponge will absorb all the water. How we choose to listen to people is up to us. As I’ve told that parable over the years, it was always about getting them ready to listen, but as I started writing this book, I was taking a shower and the Holy Spirit brought me another lesson. We’re talking about personalities, and by now we’re starting to see them develop. Some of us, by our nature, are a sponge, and some of us are a duck. You would probably think I’m the sponge, but you’d be wrong—I’m the duck. The duck is moving, diving, checking, fixing, anticipating—he’s on a mission and doesn’t slow down long enough to listen. The sponge, on the other hand, absorbs, listens, comforts, and focuses on emotions. Two different personalities, two different purposes, but we have to learn to improvise, adapt, and overcome. I have had to learn to listen. Most of the time, I hear enough to understand the problem and I’m already fixing it before the person has even shared how they feel. The sponge listens for feelings but may miss the solution. What I’m trying to say is this: we need to learn to listen to people’s feelings, and the reason I stress that so much is because I’m guilty of not doing it myself.
We are far enough along in the study tonight, and like I said, the Holy Spirit moved me, so congratulations—you get a break tonight. Clap your hands, jump up and down, say hoorah—there’s no formal lesson. But before we talk, do this first. Take a small piece of paper and write either “duck” or “sponge” for each person in the group based on your first instinct. Don’t overthink it. Fold them up, pass them out, and hold them without looking. Then, when everyone is ready, open them and see how others perceive you. Let that settle in.
Now talk. Where are you on a scale from 1 to 5, with 5 being the duck, and 6 to 10 being the sponge? Think of real moments where you didn’t listen well, where you jumped to fixing before understanding feelings, or where you focused on feelings but missed the solution. Keep it light, but be honest. Listen for emotions, not just facts. If we learn this and start opening our hearts to what the Lord is leading us through in this book, it will come to be. So tonight, stay together, talk it through, maybe go grab a coffee or ice cream as a group, and just thank the Lord that He’s investing in you. I do every day, and I thank Him with all my heart for how far He’s brought me. I owe Him everything.
Understanding is the key—know how your partner is wired so you can communicate effectively, not change them, and become a stronger unit.