Which Engine Do You Have?
Personalities are dramatically different.
I like to use a mechanical analogy to explain this.
If you have a diesel engine and you try to put gasoline in it, you are not trying to harm the engine. In fact, you are trying to make sure it runs properly. You are caring about it. You are filling up the tank. You are investing in it.
If you have the opposite situation—a gasoline engine—and you try to put diesel fuel into it, you are doing the same thing. You are investing in it, trying to make it run properly, trying to work together so the machine performs the best it possibly can.
Your intentions are sincere. Your love is .
But if the wrong fuel goes into the wrong engine, catastrophic failure now exists.
Your understanding of the operating system is failing.
An example of this might look something like this.
If a lady is out shopping and spends 68 minutes at the grocery store trying to find the exact perfect elements necessary for the dinner she’s planning on fixing for her husband that evening, her love language is that she serves. She prepares things. She does things for the person she loves.
Meanwhile, the husband asked her to go to the bank and deposit a check and run a couple of errands. In his mind, those things should take about 25 or 30 minutes.
An hour and fifteen minutes later she walks in the door with two bags of groceries.
He’s distraught because she spent all that time shopping and didn’t accomplish the mission. Obviously, he’s wired to accomplish missions.
But she’s wired to care for him.
All the way through her shopping experience she’s been thinking about nothing except finding the perfect elements to make that meal absolutely perfect.
If he looks at her and immediately starts explaining why she didn’t accomplish the mission, her emotional needs are not going to be met.
However, if he understands what she was trying to do, and he walks over to the grocery bags and looks inside and says,
“Honey, thank you for spending that time shopping for these things. I cannot wait to enjoy this meal with you this evening.”
The whole situation becomes different.
What he feels is exactly the same. Later on, he can explain why tomorrow the mission will be important. Together they can figure out how to cross that bridge.
They do not need to be rewired. They do not need to recreate their personalities.
They simply need to understand which operating system they are working with.
Once they understand that, they will know how to fuel each other properly.
Nuggets of Wisdom
• Two people can love each other deeply and still misunderstand each other if they do not understand how the other person is wired.
• Good intentions do not always produce good results if we are using the wrong “fuel” for someone’s personality.
• Understanding how another person thinks and feels is often more important than winning the argument.
Proverbs
Proverbs 4:7
Wisdom is the principal thing therefore get wisdom and with all thy getting get understanding.
Proverbs 15:1
A soft answer turneth away wrath but grievous words stir up anger.
Proverbs 19:11
A person’s wisdom yields patience and it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.
Nuggets of Wisdom
- Two people can love each other deeply and still misunderstand each other if they do not understand how the other person is wired.
- Good intentions do not always produce good results if we are using the wrong “fuel” for someone’s personality.
- Understanding how another person thinks and feels is often more important than winning the argument.
Proverbs
- Wisdom is the principal thing therefore get wisdom and with all thy getting get understanding.
- A soft answer turneth away wrath but grievous words stir up anger.
- A person’s wisdom yields patience and it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.