Different Dogs
Read the story first: Different Dogs.
Nugget of Wisdom
You do not train a hound to retrieve. You learn what he is for, and you let him hunt.
SOP
Sit facing each other. If comfortable, hold hands. Think of the dog you are. Not the one you wish you were, the one you are. Then the one your partner is. Share a story from your own life where your nature showed itself plainly: the mission that woke you up, the guard post you would not leave, the trail you could not stop following, the lap you were made to sit in. Then, as a class, compare how different experiences shape personality. Stay grounded in your own story.
Questions
- Which dog are you? Retriever, shepherd, hound, lap dog, poodle? Let your partner answer for you first.
- Which one is your partner? Have you spent years trying to make a hound retrieve?
- Who shaped your nature? The Marine Corps shaped mine, and my father, and Gladys, and a few schoolteachers. Name three of yours.
- When the word “mission” comes over the phone, something in me wakes right back up. What is the word that wakes your partner up? Do you know it?
- A mission-driven person can still love deeply. A protector can still show compassion. Which part of yourself have you let people tell you that you do not have?
Closing Reflection
Personalities are developed. That is not an excuse. It is a fact. After a certain age they become part of your DNA, and the goal in a relationship is not to change it. It is to understand it and learn how to live beside it. Lions, wolves, and dogs all learn their place in the pack and how to function together. So do husbands and wives, if they are wise. The wisdom is in building bridges between them.
Mission for the Week
This week, each of you watch the other one for seven days the way you would watch a dog you just brought home. What makes them come alive? What makes them lie down? When does the tail wag? Do not comment during the week. Write it down, three things each. At the end of the week, trade the papers and read them out loud.
Then go find a dog. A neighbor’s, a friend’s, one at the shelter, your own. Throw the ball, or sit on the porch with it, whichever it is built for. Notice that nobody argues with the dog about what it is. Then take that home with you.
If you have grandchildren, ask them which dog they are. They know, and they will tell you which one you are too.
Enjoy this one. The goal is not to change who either of you are, but to quit training each other and start understanding each other. And remember, you never know who’s watching, so let the grandchildren see you do it.
Drafted for review — not yet approved by Ron.